7/21/17

This is all so ugly right now. Sorry. This is our last full day here. It just ... came up out of no where. I miss the beginning and the middle and now I'm at the end. We're traveling home tomorrow. They say we'll probably be home around 5 PM. I believe it. Apparently it's only 3.5 hours away... ha. haha.

Since I blogged yesterday, what have we done? We got to camp and set traps for mice. My team was Sadonia and Taylor. There was kind of a disconnect between us all. We were emotionally exhausted. I don't know how well we really did. Others did much better than we did in less time. After that we were basically free which was good because I was really ready to be alone. I went and laid on the dock. They called us to get food and I wanted to skip but they made my meal vegetarian so I couldn't. I got a double stacker so I could get out of there faster and ... this is all probably too much information <3 Judy joined me and others came to swim. They called me to do dishes and I tried to hide my contempt. Afterward, I talked a little with Joel and then he and Jose talked deep until dark. I talked deep with Judy. She told me that I'm starting to be like a sister to her. I just can't get over that! It means so much to me. I feel like I'm just so terrible--- human, is probably a better word.

Then this morning was ... I think to label it with an adjective would belittle the experience. (Special) I got a gentle tap on my tent. He tugged and I said good morning like I always do. He might have tugged again. I laid there and it was quiet outside. I'd heard that we'd be woken up at 6. I wondered why it was so quiet. I looked at my phone and it was 5:37 or something. I thought, what the heck? Is this some secret Heritage meeting? I finally got up because the anxiety of someone coming to get me again was too much to bear. I looked around, no one. I think it occurred to me then that it was Jose. I found him and essentially, he said "Took you long enough." We had a gentle laugh and walked to the docks.

We talked about Joel a little but I broke up myself a little. I honestly have no idea what I want to do with my life. I don't want to go back home. I want to stay in the woods with my new friends. Joel came down probably around 6. I had a little bit more peace at that point and we just laid there really quiet. I don't know that we talked very much at all. Jose played some instrumental music. One song was called "Walking with Giants" and we just enjoyed the serenity of the moment. It was really ... it set me up well for the day.

We were outta there by 8 and we made it to Pullman. The Kamiak Butte, we climbed a steep hill and compared two different microsites, different systems. It was much warmer after the climb because the sun hit it more directly. But there was wind. I struggled up the hill because I was trying to keep up with Joel and I truly believe that my backpack was heavier. On the way down we raced and I fell. Story of my life. Landon Charlo is a graduate student and he led the expedition. It turns out that the rates of Native Americans entering graduate programs is decreasing. I thought that was devastating! We're at the Wellness Center again. We're showered and blogging. Then we're off to a Pow-Wow. Not sure if I have the energy but I'm going to experience this. I really think this should be good. I want to see dancing, I'm considering joining in. Going to eat food. Going to make the most of our last night. I'm going to miss this. I'm going to miss all of these guys.