People of the Big River 2017

Friday, July 21, 2017

7/21/17

This is all so ugly right now. Sorry. This is our last full day here. It just ... came up out of no where. I miss the beginning and the middle and now I'm at the end. We're traveling home tomorrow. They say we'll probably be home around 5 PM. I believe it. Apparently it's only 3.5 hours away... ha. haha.

Since I blogged yesterday, what have we done? We got to camp and set traps for mice. My team was Sadonia and Taylor. There was kind of a disconnect between us all. We were emotionally exhausted. I don't know how well we really did. Others did much better than we did in less time. After that we were basically free which was good because I was really ready to be alone. I went and laid on the dock. They called us to get food and I wanted to skip but they made my meal vegetarian so I couldn't. I got a double stacker so I could get out of there faster and ... this is all probably too much information <3 Judy joined me and others came to swim. They called me to do dishes and I tried to hide my contempt. Afterward, I talked a little with Joel and then he and Jose talked deep until dark. I talked deep with Judy. She told me that I'm starting to be like a sister to her. I just can't get over that! It means so much to me. I feel like I'm just so terrible--- human, is probably a better word.

Then this morning was ... I think to label it with an adjective would belittle the experience. (Special) I got a gentle tap on my tent. He tugged and I said good morning like I always do. He might have tugged again. I laid there and it was quiet outside. I'd heard that we'd be woken up at 6. I wondered why it was so quiet. I looked at my phone and it was 5:37 or something. I thought, what the heck? Is this some secret Heritage meeting? I finally got up because the anxiety of someone coming to get me again was too much to bear. I looked around, no one. I think it occurred to me then that it was Jose. I found him and essentially, he said "Took you long enough." We had a gentle laugh and walked to the docks.

We talked about Joel a little but I broke up myself a little. I honestly have no idea what I want to do with my life. I don't want to go back home. I want to stay in the woods with my new friends. Joel came down probably around 6. I had a little bit more peace at that point and we just laid there really quiet. I don't know that we talked very much at all. Jose played some instrumental music. One song was called "Walking with Giants" and we just enjoyed the serenity of the moment. It was really ... it set me up well for the day.

We were outta there by 8 and we made it to Pullman. The Kamiak Butte, we climbed a steep hill and compared two different microsites, different systems. It was much warmer after the climb because the sun hit it more directly. But there was wind. I struggled up the hill because I was trying to keep up with Joel and I truly believe that my backpack was heavier. On the way down we raced and I fell. Story of my life. Landon Charlo is a graduate student and he led the expedition. It turns out that the rates of Native Americans entering graduate programs is decreasing. I thought that was devastating! We're at the Wellness Center again. We're showered and blogging. Then we're off to a Pow-Wow. Not sure if I have the energy but I'm going to experience this. I really think this should be good. I want to see dancing, I'm considering joining in. Going to eat food. Going to make the most of our last night. I'm going to miss this. I'm going to miss all of these guys.

Thursday, July 20, 2017

7/11/17

We woke up freezing! Jessica didn’t skip me today. Instead she stomped up to my tent quickly and scared the heck out me. She knew I was awake by my scream. She giggled mercilessly as she walked away. I shouted after her, “You suck Jessica.” It was too early to filter. But it was a good demonstration of our relationship. I really like her and I feel comfortable with her. I almost thought about hugging her today. I’ll get to that later though. I asked them to burn my hand with water and they did. I just needed to get warm.

We were ready to leave by 8 but didn’t need to leave until 9 so Christy started a game. “I’m going to Outer Space and I’m bringing… Cookies.” I thought it was a different game … the alphabet road trip game. But I was wrong. I joined in because practically everyone was playing. We had an hour to kill. I think myself, Joel, and Christy as well as one other person had the game figured out when we started. Then they arrived.

We went to Sparks Lake (Soda Creek) and Tom Walker, a fish biologist got us to work right away. Jose, Joel and I seem to gravitate to each other. So we started pulling out fence posts and fencing out of the creek side. Joel is super strong. So is Jose. That is one thing that always conflicts me. Doing manual labor with guys. They can do things that women can’t. I really love to work and work hard and work with my hands. I wonder if I should work harder instead of asking for help.

Next we drove to North Twin Lake to cut up the vegetation on the side of the trail. Again, Jose and Joel and I gravitated. And after that, I ran to the water. Jose can’t swim so myself and Joel tried to help him. No one else got in the water with us. We wondered how deep it was. I said I’d swim out a ways and then Joel said, “Let’s go.” Man, I hadn’t completely expected that. So then we were swimming really coordinately. I don’t think he was trying very hard, but I struggled to keep the even pace. I could’ve swam faster but it wouldn’t have been pretty.

We showered after that and Jessica left us to the other van. It was great! They ride with the windows down which is super legit and I was so happy. I hate air conditioning which is something that almost no one understands.

I want to write about Christina. I want to write about the cards that we played and ninja. Christina is really good at ninja! And maybe not so good at cards? She kept switching the sixes and nines. And putting down a king when she meant to put down a queen or something. It was really entertaining. That was her shout-out. But back to the card game specifically. It started after I spent some time praying by the river and talking with Grandma about the reading. Leviticus 14-16 (Christina is pleased <3 )

I came and talked with Taylor who was sitting … it’s 10:44 PM. They’re saying we have to go to sleep by 11 PM. He was sitting alone. We talked a little last night. He began to tell me some really personal things and they told us lights out. Bummed me out. I was glad I got to sit and talk with him a little. We didn’t talk too much but I just sat in his presence. I think he needed it.

I came back and sat with the high schoolers who were playing cards. I feel super attached to them as a group. Because I know they have stories that they want to share. And I want to listen so desperately. I want to be their friends and I think the desire is mutual. It’s pretty special, what’s happening. I want to go into crazy detail. I could just talk and talk about them. Like Jay is the very first one that I met on Sunday when we got to school. She has since gotten quieter. But … I don’t know. At the same time she’s more talkative. Like playing BS with her, it was unbelievably hard to read her! She started letting us in with little tell-tale signs like I saw a single smile when she lied once. I think I lost that game. And I lost OG too. Then we played Ninja and I won my first game ever! Okay, most of the high schoolers are gone. I’m going to call it a night too! Peace (10:52 PM)

We are going to be up at 6 AM again and we’re going to be out of here by 8:30. We must pack up fast. Haven’t given myself much time… Good night. I’m loving all these guys.

They played a really good song called “How to be loved” by Mark Wagner… not Mark Twain.

Dinner was awesome. We stood and talked again and everyone was more willing to share. It was really nice because Sadonia pointed out that she got to spend more time with me today. I really appreciated that she appreciated that time like I did. And the time with Christina was nice too. And Jay said “good morning” today so she’s really starting to open up. It’s awesome. They’re all so awesome.

My peeps from Heritage are cool too I’ve been spending tons of time with Jose.

This morning we’ve basically just run around a ton. We stopped at the museum and that was legit. I saw a bald eagle like twenty feet from me in a display (alive!) a golden eagle and porcupine as well as a bobcat! I’m trying to write fast because I’m being rushed. My pastor sent me a sermon on living uniquely as Christ has called us each to be our own part of the body. Some are called to be the hands, others the feet, and on and on. More to come. Hopefully this is kinda pretty and fun to read. I’m going to upload pictures.

7/10/17

Currently my laptop is spazzing out. It does not like scrolling of any kind. Which I suppose may be God answering my prayer to keep me from bad Facebook habits. It is 9:30 PM now and it’s beginning to get dark. We’re all sitting around blogging. I’m supposed to tell you everything since we last posted. Wow. How?

I think it got up to about 85 today which was pretty warm but then it cooled off tonight.

We went to Lava Butte and a off-highway vehicle program director, civil engineer, fire ecologist, public relations official, and recreation manager. After that, they ran us to the top of the volcano. We had a total of ten minutes so we rushed very quickly. Me, Christy, and Mike got permission to stay up for another while. We walked the loop and it was really nice to get a view that no one else from our crew got. We got back and saw the lunch that they provided. They made us hot dogs but what was really special was the cookies. That shows effort and closeness and I just really appreciate that demonstration of affection from the forest service. They were great.

We got back and did some “geo-cashing”. It was a GPS race. We tied for second with two bags of candy. They got some pictures of me deep in concentration trying to find them before anyone else could. Mike, Jose, and Robyn were on my team.

After that we ate dinner. I think I fit a phone call in to grandma before that. And before that we went to take showers somewhere nearby. Me and Diana jumped off the dock that said “no swimming”. It was glorious. We got some good pictures. I’m happy that people are taking pictures of me without my attention. I like spontaneous pictures.

While we were eating, I sat with the high schoolers. I hadn’t bonded with them much at all by that point so it was uncomfortable. Christy stood up and said, “Our table was talking about this idea. “And so now we’re all standing up at dinner and sharing about our day.” Jay, sitting next to me said, “I am not standing up to talk.” She hoped that our table wouldn’t have to do it. Joel, I think is more confident and even he didn’t seem entirely game to do so. It came to our table, I briefly encouraged them. I see a light in each of the high schoolers. They are all so unique. I don’t think they’ll read this but I’m not going to share further until later in the trip.

7/9/17

Let’s start at 9:00 AM. Jessica had just gotten there. She was trying to get person A to do X and person B to do Y and she went left and right trying to get everything taken care of. We left a little after 12:30 PM. Car situation was awesome. I got in Jessica’s van with Jose, Brooke and Zane. We each could have had a row to ourselves but they opted to sit beside each other. I got my own bench which was nice.

We made PB&J before we left. I ate the sandwich while we waited and I had time to call my grandma for our daily bible study. AND I got to watch the worship at the end of the sermon for church. They tried going live for the first time yesterday, Sunday June 9, 2017. I think it looks like I’m going to miss the next two weeks of church and Joe’s Bible Study. But I’ve got headphones, so I’m intending to sit in on it all. Schedule on this side allowing.

I’m really getting to know Jose. He’ll read this and freak out probably. Afraid I’m going to learn all his secrets. We were the first two here yesterday so we helped get people set up. And then it worked out that he rode in the same van. We didn’t talk much ‘cause he was in shot-gun and I was in the back seat. But we chilled a little at the Safeway stop and he’s been offering me food because I told him I left my wallet at home but I found it. I’m trying to lead up to the good stuff. He’s never been camping, he doesn’t swim. He’s never been for a hike either. I’m really happy that he gets to experience all this for the first time. This morning we were getting hot cocoa and tea. He asked how it worked. I thought it was going to be a simple explanation. I got him a cup and filled it with cocoa, I gave it to him and told him to wait by the hot water for someone to help him. Now, I wasn’t looking, but I heard a guffaw as people were surprised and hysterical. Apparently, he poured his cocoa into the hot water pot for everyone to share.

7/20/17

I'm just going to briefly update you on what we've done so far. After we left Welpinit, we drove for about an hour to Wal-Mart. I got to talk to my mom for quite a while which was really nice. And then I got to talk to my friend Aaron which isn't something I do very often anymore. That made me happy. Helped get me out of my rut, didn't need any coffee.

The driveway to this place is really crazy. SO bumpy. We got here and right away we had dinner. It was a feast. I still remember eating the fish and elk like it's in my hands.... I don't eat meat really because I don't think it's very ethical in the conventional circumstances but hunted and humanely raised can be eaten justifiably. So I sat with the salmon in my hands and in the moment, I was just so in love with the art of eating something that was caught in the wild. God created these things and they are natural and ... I really can't put my amazement into words.

Afterwards myself and Ms. Trease went swimming and we got out once a few of the others came. They left again but Christina and Jay stayed on the dock and I stayed with them and we made a contest about animals noises and other impersonations and I judged and Joel joined us and Judy did too. It was dark and we were heading back when Ms. Trease came to get us. The high schoolers have a curfew of 11 now which I wasn't very happy with at first because I like to stay up late with them but they went and sat down somewhere (It was 10) and I went to listen to the college people's stories. I came back around 10:45 and gave them both hugs and just bonded with them <3 They went to sleep at 11 and I did too and it felt good!

We got up this morning and came to the wellness center for showers and came back for breakfast and then we went to a Casino here in Coeur D'Alene and then we ate lunch on the docks and now we're back at the Wellness Center. It's really nice spending time with these guys and learning about things to prevent devastating natural disasters that we can expect to happen if we don't do anything. There's going to be a Pow Wow tomorrow night.

Sunday, July 16, 2017

7/16

I woke up at 10:45 AM! Half my day seemed gone. But I needed the sleep. We had breakfast at noon. We were chilling today. It was a lazy day. We did some geocaching that didn't go as well today and then we went to the lake. What lake? We've been to so many, I really should clarify which ones. I have no idea though. The three musketeers (Joel, Jose, and I) separate into a dynamic duo in the water because Jose can't swim.

Now we're sitting around listening to a song called "Lost On You". Good night :)

Oh wait!!! Jessica came to me sitting in the driveway and sat down with me. I thought that was so incredible. She just gets cooler and cooler every day. We sat together and talked personally. She's showing me part of who she is that she doesn't normally show in the professional environment. I just really love how supportive she is and how genuinely compassionate she is about all of us. She is so great. Shout out to Jessica Black, she's making all this possible. She is amazing <3

Our chill day. I guess after we blogged we ate and then we waited for the sun fart. I laid in the hammock for a long while. It was like 10 PM when they finally told me the lights weren't going to show up until midnight and they might not appear until 2 AM. So at midnight everyone who was still up gathered together and we walked a little ways and stared up. We all stood around and everyone was so giggly. Most of the kids were asleep but all the advisors were awake and the three musketeers. I finally laid down because someone said our necks weren't meant to bend that way. I think Jose joined me next and then Joel laid in the middle. Jose went to the bathroom and the advisers left. The advisers came back and sent Joel to sleep. So Jose came back and it was about 12:30 at the time. He said, "We better get to sleep." Because he's used to waking up at 5 AM. But I stopped him and asked him what his story was. He was one that I had to be slower with because he made it pretty obvious in the beginning that he was not going to pour out his heart to a friend he barely knows. But he shared and it was really awesome. We waited until 2 AM and there were no lights. I got to sleep around 2:30 PM. Carefully walking to my tent in the midst of the screaming coyotes and I played music until I fell asleep.

Another nice moment was with Joel and Judy and Jay. We were on the playground here and we swung on the swings like you do when you're a kid. And we balanced where we weren't supposed to. Scary and fun.

Oh man, I can't believe I almost spaced it! We went swimming. I love swimming. There was a coral for safety.... All I can think about is how tired I am. I just really need sleep. I am tired physically and emotionally and mentally. I don't know what I need.

Saturday, July 15, 2017

7/12-7/15

Others are doing this a better way, posting day by day.

I'm not going to do that. I just can't think that way... maybe I can change the font so the colors are for each day that I'm talking about... Let's try it.

Red will be 7/12/17
Green will be 7/13/17
Blue will be 7/14/17
Pink will be today, 7/15/17

We'll see how this goes... It's going to clash with the background. I wish I could write as well as I know I can. I let little things get in the way.

On Wednesday ... lol clothes are done. We're at a Laundromat near Umatilla. They finished washing. I put them in the dryer for 40 minutes on high, I hope that's good.

We spent most of the day driving. We stopped in Bend about a half hour from camp to blog at a starbucks. That was fun. Me and Jose were sitting at a table beside Joel, Judy, Christina, and Mr. Clinton eventually joined us. Judy was so sweet and invited us to come join them so we scooted (Aye, my nickname is Scooter) our table up to theirs. Joel had a heck of a time blogging so I helped him out. Shared my pictures. I love photography. It's so weird that not everyone shares that passion. We drove for a long time. We were two hours late. We didn't get there until 8:30. And we stayed awake until midnight. I've slept very minimally while at Wynex' house. We planted ourselves in the shade beneath some trees. Jose and Pedro followed me. We were nearest to the horses and the trains which would prove to be conflicting with a desire to sleep. Note to myself: Check thoroughly for rocks in the ground. They were driving into my back all throughout the tent.Good stuff. But very warm, that was nice. I love the mummy bag.

After we set up our tents, we prepared dinner and then sat around the campfire. It's easily said but the process took about two hours because we have to wash the dishes afterward. Then Wynex introduced herself and Acacia did also. They sat right beside me. That was absolutely terrifying. I was the first to introduce myself. I could tell that they were very traditional by their behaviors so I prepared to introduce myself the way Jessica taught us in the beginning. I gave my name, my parents name and she asked us all to share what we'd like to take from the journey with their family and I said I wanted to learn about how to help with the healing process. We crashed after that. I was crashing as soon as dinner was eaten. The drive is exhausting. Our necks are all crooked, trying to find a comfortable position to sleep, we settle for less than ideal ;)

This was an awesome day. We went to the Tree Nursery after sometime at the Governance Center. Wynex had to skip sharing the creation story with us which was disappointing but I got the jist of it. She told us about their initiatives to suppport the water, the wildlife, and the plants. At the nursery we got an hour introduction which I really liked and then she told us to trim and move trees so they would be more manageable. I was the weeder but I mostly pulled dead leaves off the soil which seems a little counterintuitive. We ate lunch shortly after that... and the introversion kicked in. I really think there's a connection between the amount of sleep I get and my social interest. I am not socially interesting or interested when I am tired. So I ate my lunch and snuck away to pull weeds some more. Then an anxiety kicked in and I was afraid someone would find me out there and find a way to think less of me. We then started to cut "cuttlings" so we took branches from trees and made them into their own trees. We planted them too. It was a long process but we got ice cream afterward which was very appreciated.

What happened next? I believe it was shower time. Jessica took myself, Jose and Christy to take showers. Me and Christy swam and raced while the other girls from White Swan showered. It was either a close tie or she won. I think I played with the line of calling her old. It was cool. She seems to open up really easy when it's just her and myself. I think she's like that with most people that she trusts. I like her a lot. We showered and Jose was waiting for us. I wanted to sit and read until Jessica was ready but Christy was impatient so she said "Let's walk!" I thought she was crazy 'cause I had no idea how to get back. But we walked and we saw deer running in the distance and then we reversed roles and we were running trying to beat Jessica back and the deer stood near the road watching us.

We didn't beat them but we were close. We ate dinner just in time, there were a few parcels left for us. Not that we aren't being fed well, we totally are. #pbjeveryday :) After that I probably helped with dishes and it was 9:30 and dark. I pulled out my bible to read my three chapters. My grandma asked if I was okay because I've been trying to stay on top of calling her every day. I didn't even have time to text her today. I was just about done when Taylor came and laid on the other side of my bible and started talking to me. I am working on showing him light and love. So I slammed my bible closed without a second thought and I talked with him for a while. It was about 10:#0 when we called my pastor Joe and asked him a few questions. After that Taylor left me and I finished the end of my chapter. I saw Joel lying in the grass not too far away from me, I thought maybe Judy was on the other side of him but couldn't tell. She's small and he's tall. He was alone so I asked if I could join him and we watched the stars quietly for a while. A shooting star broke the silence. It lasted so long. It was magical. Then I think I asked him a question or two and things got deep. It was a really neat experience for both of us. We went to our tents at midnight and I stayed up praying for him for quite a while afterward. God is really working on helping me relinquish my fears. I felt real communion with God that night, it was really lovely. Seek His face and ye shall find it. (I want to write more about my conversation with Joel-- he is really cool.)

Wow, I'm blowing through this. Already on the third day. Hope I'm not leaving too much out. We woke up at 6 or 6:30 so I got about 6 hours of sleep. I NEED at least 7.5 or more. I've probably got ten minutes max until clothes are dry. Hopefully I don't burn them or anything.... We left for our tour pretty early but we spent a little time prepping for the feast before we left though. We stopped somewhere about fifteen minutes away by a river and then went down closer and happened upon one of the fisheries guys. He's very involved in his culture which I appreciate. I thought it was really cool that Wynex invited him to our dinner. Everyone seems to know everyone. Christy and Mike talked with her about their connections to her.

Then we spent an hour driving into the abyss. We didn't realize it would be an hour so we hesitated to sleep-- or at least I did, Jose falls asleep in seconds. It's crazy! I was talking to him and I swear he like fell asleep right after he said whatever he was saying. I fell asleep too though. Once we got onto the mountain road though it was too bumpy for sleep. It was like an earthquake that never ended. Wynex took us up off the trail just a tiny bit and told us about old huckleberry traditions and fire danger and control. We then went up the road a few more minutes to a lake. Of course I jumped in. We'll get to that in a second though because I have to tell you about the deer. I was walking to the bathroom to change into my suit. And I saw two deer. And I think if I'd acted like a human I would've scared them. I didn't stop and stare though. I didn't start to talk to them. I kept my pace even and walked by. I got so close. I was at most 20 feet away. I left them and changed then came back. And followed them. They were aware of me and I was walking with them. They stopped at some brush and I stood on the other side from them. I swear, I was so close. I left them and jumped into the water.

You'd think that I would've noticed them standing shin deep where I was about to jump but someone was saying "Be the first one!" "Don't be afraid!" "Be a leader!" Ouch. It didn't occur to me until I hit the ground. There was no regret until I felt the pain of gravel on my butt. I reached down to access the damage and found rocks in my suit and small tears. I swam it off.. everyone was watching... there really was no playing it off. Everyone laughed, I held in the tears ;) lol I laughed with them. I do this kind of thing all the time. I have to go get clothes quick. Brb. I raced Christy again, she won. When we got back I went to change and on my way back a deer almost ran into me. Trying to avoid crazy people with phones.

I slept on the way back. We got to the yoga place and worked for an hour and a half and I loved every second. She pushed my body to its limits but it was like a dance. It was beautiful and I appreciated it so much. My body was exhausted after that. I still haven't recovered, I am very sore all over. The work out was great though. I sweat like I haven't in I don't know how long. Dripping sweat onto the mat. I loved it! I want to do that way more often. It's good for my body. It's good for my mind.
We showered quickly after that and hurried back to prepare for the feast. We didn't have dinner until 8 at the earliest. I was confused. I couldn't find people. While eating, I sat with Sadonia and Judy. I asked what White Swan was like and Sadonia really went deep into her circumstances, I found out that she, Judy, and Joel all attend the same church back home. She left when we were done eating and I came back to Judy sitting alone. She had left while Sadonia was talking and so I apologized for possibly interfering with a nice dinner. She confided that she wanted to talk but people didn't listen or there were always interuptions so I took her somewhere away from the group and asked Jessica to let us skip the laser show. She told me so much and my heart really goes out to her. I aim to encourage above all else. I want everyone on this trip to know just how loved they really are.

I tried sleeping on the hammock and then on the swinging bench but a sort of guilt came over me like I was trying to get attention in the morning so even though the bench would have been so much more comfortable than my tent, I went back to the tent around 1 last night.

Today, we woke up at an early hour again. We left around 9:30. We got to the McNary Dam around 12. My math is all pretty far off. I don't know how to recalculate. But I'm riding with Pedro today which is nice because he has windows and it's one-on-one. There's lots of room for meaningful conversation. It seems all he wants to talk about is God and I just can't get enough either even though I dead tired, I really appreciate the conversation. Jessica wants me to talk to him about my career path. I can't believe that he has all the answers but I'm willing to find some from him. Our conversation was just leading that way when we got to the laundromat. I'm pretty sure we have a minimum of three hours left to our drive but because the truck goes so slowly with the trailer. I can easily see it being four hours. Lots of time for talking. And sleep, I'm hoping. I'm hoping so much. I don't know why God made me with such a need for sleep. It really seems like a weakness. But if God did it, I think it's wise to follow suit. Life isn't supposed to be all about work.

It's 2:43 PM now. Time is just flying today. I've been sitting with earbuds in to keep myself from being distracted and like I said, I'm less likable with less sleep so I am trying to keep my distance. I really need to just let go of myself and start focusing completely on others and God.

Now to upload pictures <3 ... I think I'll do them in better chronological order this time. Starting with today and going backwards.